And the mystery continues...4th day of Christmas

Ok so this sweet person has done something that NO ONE has been able to do for quite a long while now. and not for lack of trying.  My poor sweet friend Heather has tried almost weekly, slyly suggesting it here and mentioning it there.  

This person gave me a gift I hadn't realized how much I missed.  Writing.  I loved sharing here on the blog, and writing in general.  And this has sparked that once again.

But it was this person, this Secret Santa who has me going!

Man know it or not, they sure know how to take care of the love language of gifts!

This fourth day was a ton of fun.  Reminiscent of my childhood.  It was four calling birds, and we got four stockings with penguins in the top.

The memory part?  The toothbrushes and toothpaste in them.  My parents used to do that when I was little!  It has carried through with me for life.  So it was kinda of a sweet reminder of childhood.

The candy is never so bad either!  And the girls LOVED everything about theirs. 

As you can see from this picture, they all adore their little penguins.  They carry them around all the time, and each one is safely tucked in at night....

On the third day of Christmas....

Well this is where I have started to wonder how on earth my Christmas Angel(s) are going to pull this off.  There are some TOUGH days of Christmas I tell you!

How do you give one a french hen?

Well the French of course!!

Three french toast stick towers..............ahhh the creativity, AND my kids had breakfast on the morning of their church program.  Two blessings with one stone! 

Ok my dear friends and readers, who is waiting to see the next day?  I know I have at least ONE friend who anxiously anticipates what is coming the next day, she texts me first thing in the morning to see what it was.  So anyone else wanna make a venture as to what the next 9 days hold???  (yes I am a few days behind, I may be posting double tomorrow, but go ahead, make a gander!)  Post your ideas int he comments sections.  Lets see who is right!

Even my daughters anxiously try to guess what the next days blessing will be....

So until tomorrow! 

On the second day of Christmas...

I was overwhelmed with kindness and a new excitement!

"Your true friends give to you, two turtle doves"

Take a lookske........can you say GENEROUS??!!  

See, as much as my love language is gifts, I have a hard time accepting gifts that are generous from others.  But my secret Santa, no, Angel, has forced me into accepting it, and I couldn't be more excited.  This gift included not only my "doves" but some extras, that just make me feel girly and special.  Talk about a mood lifter!  

 Ps, I LOOOOVE dove chocolate covered almonds!!!

So for my second day adventure, I am grateful....

On the First Day of Christmas...

And this is where the song changes into a story...

"Your true friends gave to you, a partridge in a pine tree"

Yep, totally threw me off my rocker.  I so would of stumbled over this cute little tree had my girls not seen it.

Little did I know, this was the start of something I haven't felt in probably 20 years!  Yep I currently feel like a child at Christmas waiting for Santa!  Really.  I didn't know what to expect the next day, if it was a weird one time thing or not, however turns out, you get to tune in each day, because it was in fact NOT a one time thing.  I wake every morning giddy as a schoolgirl wondering what my "secret Santa" left for me overnight.

We have had such a hard year, that this is a welcome change for me.  I have been so consumed with change and loss I have lost myself a bit.

 I have my suspicions who it is, but I don't know as if she will ever fess up.  If she doesn't, well just know that this has made not only my day/week, but really it has made my entire year!  And I know I know, I can be the type to exaggerate, however I am NOT exaggerating this time!

And my girls.  They have gone through so much in the past few months.  Christmas is Alia's favorite time of year, and she wasn't finding the joy in it this year for some reason.  That is until our Christmas angel(s) appeared.  Now she is so excited each day and feels that magical wonder of Christmas, that only a child can. 

She is even hashing up plans of her own.........so stay tuned.  I will say however, all three girls are determined to catch the gifter in the act.  It is a "mystery that needs to be solved", and they spend countless time arguing about where these bits of smiles are coming from.


So....I guess until the next post........Thank you!

Just a nugget...until the morning

And then for once I finally feel like writing again..................all thanks to a Secret Santa, though I say angel!!!
I will tell you all about it in the morning!..............................................

Things I never thought...

I never knew:

That one day I would check on my husband just like you do with a newborn to see if he is still breathing

That I would pray for a stroke to be an answer

That I would be pissed when everything "serious" keeps turning out fine!

That I would be asked if I work in the medical field because of my knowledge and terminology

That I would quickly learn the symptoms of stroke, ms, vasculitis, among other diseases

That I would learn the terms PFO, angiogram, esophageal echo, MRA, satellite, neurology, infractions,etc

That I can tell you if you have neurological problems/stroke, by the way you smile, push your toes, touch your finger to your nose and then my finger, the way you push and pull back, etc

That one body can go through the whole grieving process several times in a weeks time

That I would let my daughter take "daddys brain" to school for show and tell

That my home could become so lonely when everyone is sleeping

That my body can function for weeks at a time with only hours of sleep

That I would make myself one of the most unpopular people with the medical world due to my lack of "give up/let up"

That I someday would not just "accept" what I am told by doctors or nurses

That the minutes on the clock will take HOURS to get through just one minute at a time....

That to sit and watch someone you adore in physical pain, emotional pain, and fear, is the worst form of torture one can inflict on another human

That an optometrist is better in many ways than some/most general doctors, and are many times the first to discover a neurological problem

That I would in fact be in a hospital room the day my baby was to be born,but not there for a baby, instead there to pray for my husbands health

That I would learn to accept help in ways that I never thought would be right for someone who is capable of doing it themselves, like accepting meals being cooked

 That I would questions God, his plan, his nearness, 

That I would still pray to him and seek his answers more fervently that I have in my entire life...

So it has been since August since I wrote.  So much has happened since then it is hardly comprehendable.

Thank you to those of you who have checked back, and will continue to read, and thank you for your patience...

The past weeks have been something I never wanted or want to go thorugh.  I have epxerienced overwhelming fear, that I have never known, and worse yet I haven't had the time to express it at times, and just keep going on going on.  I have had so many hopes, ups, and downs that I really am not sure which way is up at the moment.

What I do know, is that I love my husband more than any words will ever express.  That I will take every ounce of my strength and power to protect him.  I will not sit idly for a vauge answer.  I will research till there is no way to research, I will not just sit around.  I know that we have grown closer.  I know that I miss him all the time now, yes he is here, but he has been so tired I haven't been able to "see" him. 

This too shall pass

Or will it?

These days I am really starting to wonder.  After a LONG and not particularly good, OK, down right bad, vacation.  I figured home and school starting the very next day was a fresh start.  THINK again, not so much!  There is this.....

Check back, it'll be empty by tonight 

And then there was this morning, dropped the girls off and went to go along my merry way....but alas it wasn't to be.....

 Thankfully there were some wonderful people around to help me out....now lets see if it starts in a half hour!!!

We know God will always provide a way out for us.  And when we truly need it, we can have a break in Him. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28).  Well I am about to have a conversation with him.  Because I really don't know how much more I  can handle.
With out going into detail, I guess I just wanted to share with you, that I know we are to lean on Him in times of need.  But I wanted you to know you are not alone if you do so and feel like He isn't there or isn't listening.  It is these times that our "faith" is exactly that.  I am in a time where my faith is being tested, I still am looking to Him, but I'd be lying if I said I knew I would make it, or I knew why, or I see the positive of what all is going on.  Because at the moment I don't.  Maybe in a future post I will be able to share that enlightenment.

But for now, I just wanted you to know you may not be alone.  That it is OK to question, or wonder the paths your life is taking.

As long as you try to stay focused and on His path even if that path seems like a less traveled dirt road.

Sometimes the harder the terrain, the more beautiful the scenery at the end....