Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Raising Daughters

As my girls are growing I am finding that raising them can be hard.  It just isn't as clear cut as you were thinking when they were in the womb.

There is esteem, even though you give your daughter every affirmation that she is great, even if you do everything right, there is this thing, their God given personality.  And there is Satan.  And to us they are both very real, and can get in the way of that perfect plan you have.

My middle girl is my little girl.  She is such a sweetheart and full of cuddles and love.  She is also my spirited child who has a fire about her.  But beneath that, at JUST 6 years old, she has expressed some self confidence issues.

This is REALLY hard as a mom to deal with.  Because all I see is beauty, love, light, fire, strength, and a fun loving girl.  But she felt something else.  She didn't love what she saw in the mirror.  i know she had expressed it before, but I would shift the conversation a new direction after a quick  affirmation.

I feel that wasnt' enough as she expressed how she hated her looks.

I am a FIRM believer of it is the heart that matters, and not letting little girls change themselves.  that being said, I learned a lesson.  Sometimes a little love on the outside does wonders on the inside.

It is just like us moms, who need pampering and we feel like a million bucks, there is nothing wrong with letting your daughter give herself a little love as long as you enforce the beauty God blessed her with on the inside, and that the two together are what make up beauty.

Alyssa hated her hair, I had always cut her bangs, and I will admit they weren't even or cut correctly.  so we had a Lissa day. We went to a professional, not a kiddie place, but a big girl place, and had the stylist cut her hair.  All she did was redo her bangs, cut a few long layers, and blow her hair straight and gave her own bottle of little shine stuff.

Then we went to the mall and my girl helped me pick out some stuff for her sisters and she got a new outfit.  Even better, we just had a girls afternoon.  I am mom 99.9% of the time, and I believe this is how it should be.  However, just for a brief moment in time, I feel just being their friend can reap its rewards in gold!

Let me tell you, girls are girls are girls.  know how a new shirt, hair do, makeup, nail polish, shoes, anything, makes you feel on fire?  Well a little lovin like that gave her such confidence that even her teacher said this week she has seen a confidence and ability to express her own feelings like she hasn't witnessed before!

So here is what I am saying.  Remind your girl that she is a child of God.  That He created her in His image and that means she is beautiful.  That those voices in her head that put her down are NOT of him.  That you and everyone think she is beautiful.  Tell her why, pick one physical feature...say her eyes.  Then follow up that compliment with two inner beauty compliments.  Say, I love how you always think of the shyest person in your class, that is SO beautiful of you to do, and I also love how you always give mommy the snuggliest biggest hugs.  It always makes me smile.

Once you have done these things, if she is in need of a little boost, ask her what she would like.  And wit in reason try with all your might to make that small thing happen in the next week or so.  Make it more about the time you are spending with her and less about what you are doing.  This way she gets the boost from what she wants/needs, but she sees the time as the important part. Ii promise you it will lift both your spirits up.  It is never too late to start spending a little more time with your girl!!  She will be a woman before you know it!

Any questions?  Really, about raising girls?  Please ask me, mine are still young, but man am I learning fast what it means to raise three daughters of God.